The Canonical Answers

Just in case you ever need them, here are the canonical answers to a variety of questions. These are hand-crafted artisanal answers, laboratory-tested for best effect. They can be applied to any question of the appropriate form.

The first, and most important one, is that if someone asks "Can I ask you a question?" the canonical answer is "Is it in French? Because I don't speak French."

( The rest are behind the cut )

I may have left some out. Please speak up if you know of other canonical answers that I didn't mention!