NCOD: Duh!

[dr_tectonic]

It's National Coming Out Day, and I feel like I ought to say something about it since it's the first time in years that I actually noticed it before it was over. (Pay no attention to the fact that I haven't gotten around to making a journal post before midnight.)

I don't really have any good stories about it, because by the time I had come to terms with my sexuality and come out to myself, it was totally obvious to everyone else, because I'd gone through several cycles of "he's cute - hmm, guess I must be queer - ack! can't cope - let's not think about it".

So when I went around telling people (because if you tell enough people that you lose track of who you've told and who you haven't, it become impossible even to pretend that it's a secret anymore), the conversation generally went something like this:

Me: By the way, I've figured out that I'm not straight.
Them: Um, DUH. Didn't you already figure this out already?
Me: SHUT UP!

So my coming-out story is basically one of repeated embarrassment at having taken so long to do it and thinking that it would be a big deal when I did... because I'm lucky enough that with the people I know, it never really has been.

Comments

[jofish22.livejournal.com]

Wait... you're gay?

[dr-tectonic.livejournal.com]

*eyeroll* We could have the discussion about the 15 kinds of baggage that the word "gay" carries, and which ones fit and which don't, but that feels tedious, so not today.

Unrelatedly, and I mean this affectionately, really I do, I realized that the lead singer of The Darkness kind of reminds me of you. So if you're looking for a Halloween costume, there you go.

[jofish22.livejournal.com]

Oh, agreed.

And thank you. That's quite a compliment. I think.

[dcseain.livejournal.com]

I studiously ignore that day, as it's my parent's anniversary. Not to mention that i've never really seen the point of it, despite reading the propaganda. Pardon my overtired, cranky, cynicism. Cheers!

And the general reaction i got from people was "Well, duh!". Generally, people rock.

[k8cre8.livejournal.com]

I had a good friend in college that came out our senior year. And, although I was apparently one of the last people he told, it was the same story, everyone, including me were "duh." In his surprise and relief, he asked me "If I knew, why hadn't I told him," and I said, "Well, it's not exactly something that someone can come to from outside knowledge." And he starred at me a moment, and said, "Yup. You're right. Thanks."

[melted-snowball.livejournal.com]

*chuckles*

That's partly true.

At least in my case it did help that some people who had external knowledge of this, um, seduced me. But you probably wouldn't have been much help for your friend, in that respect.

[k8cre8.livejournal.com]

*grin* yeah. I can understand that. And, you're right, too.

His realization was helped by a gay faculty member, and a few other people who had an informal "GLBT" support group on campus, all of who were equipped with better "external knowledge" than I could've provided.

[jennsteele.livejournal.com]

LOL! I don't think you talked to me directly, so I think the conversation with (I don't remember who) went something like this:

Them: Hey! Beemer finally figured out that he's not straight.
Me: It figured he'd be the last to know...

I just wanted to remind you, however, that we all loved you to death whatever you did or didn't figure out :)

[flwyd.livejournal.com]

At least the media wasn't involved in your DUH moment.

At "catch up after several years" lunch with two friends, the following transpired:
B: Did you know I'm gay?
K: Some of us knew before you did, B.
B: I think I did too.

I'm not quite sure how that works, but I don't think it's nonsensical.

Coming Out

[castleclear.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're out. I can easily appreciate the difficulty inherent in arriving at this acceptance of oneself and one's sexuality. Your story sounds a bit like the "Ellen" Coming Out episode, but perhaps without as many laughs.

[lovecarnievan.livejournal.com]

I think, a long time ago, at a Rude and Prying Questions Session you mentioned something about being bi, so I never really thought anything about you not knowing or struggling. You told me that cutting out half the people that you meet as potential mates made no sense to you, and I was really impressed. It seemed (to me) you were born mature beyond your years in this respect. I always admired that. Happy NCOD!

[thedragonweaver.livejournal.com]

I have a friend whose father is gay— parents still married, separate bedrooms. Apparently, at the time he got engaged most of his friends were muttering "WTF? I thought he was gay!" By the time he figured out what everybody else knew, he had several kids and decided to stay married for their sakes. Besides, it's not like he wasn't friends with his wife or anything.

Since this was when my friend and I were in high school, I couldn't tell you if her parents stayed married past their kids reaching majority. They might have. Who knows? Just a weird little situation they found their own solution to.

[bats22.livejournal.com]

It's funny... this might be a tEp pattern. I remember hearing similar stories about Pooter coming out to the house--and that was in an age when tEp was *not* known as 'teh gay haus,' and I don't think there were any active brothers who were out. Therefore, I can imagine that there was more pressure on him.

He carefully came out (house meeting? individually? not sure?), and the reaction was universally, "Um, duh--you're a cut, gorgeous, and stylish guy who doesn't seem to date women. This is a surprise to any of us?"