Learning

[dr_tectonic]

Today we did funeral arrangments. My gosh, are there a lot of them! It took over three hours.

Things I have learned recently:

• Obituaries cost $16/line.
  
• Funeral directors never use words like "body", "dead", or "mortuary".
  
• Caskets come in different sizes! They also cost a couple thousand dollars, on average.
  
• All the rest of it costs several thousand dollars.
  
• Everything is easier if the funeral director is a member of the deceased's church.
  
• Grief comes and goes in waves. It seems like the feeling part of my brain is totally separate from the thinking part.
  
• Mormons get buried in temple clothing.
  
• Not only is crying okay, it helps -- but it also helps to take a break from crying, and that's okay, too.
  
• Family members get a lot more funeral than everybody else does.
  
• Even funeral directors don't necessarily have their burial arrangements all planned out in advance.
  
• You can laugh and mourn at the same time.
  
• Sometimes remembering makes me sad, but most of the time it doesn't.
  
• I have an awful lot of really wonderful friends.

It's hard to imagine that my father only died yesterday. It feels like it's been much, much longer.

Comments

[aadroma.livejournal.com]

Mormons get buried in temple clothing.

Wait -- your dad's a Mormon???

Cry all you need, nena. (HUG)

[dr-tectonic.livejournal.com]

Yup. Much mormonage (mormonocity?) on that side of the family.

[dcseain.livejournal.com]

You can laugh and mourn at the same time.
Sometimes remembering makes me sad, but most of the time it doesn't.

Laughter is as important as the tears. :) *Hugs*

[melted-snowball.livejournal.com]

Part of me is intellectually curious about how Mormons do funerals (since they're another religion like us Friends that don't really have laity, and, well, Mormons are odd).

But, really, all of me is feeling sympathetic. This sounds like a ton to deal with, and really sucky. *hug*

[dr-tectonic.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm intellectually curious, too. So I'll let you know if I find out anything interesting.

It's a lot, but not so bad. And having things to do is good; it gives you a way to process.

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

I finally got around to friending you back the other day, after you've been dropping all these nice comments in my journal.

I'm so sorry about your loss.

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better, but meanwhile, take care of yourself, and your family and loved ones. HUGS.

[dr-tectonic.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Pete. I appreciate it. HUGBACKS.

(And you should really expect people to drop comments when you insist on making so many interesting posts...)

[drdeleto.livejournal.com]

Funeral directors are an interesting breed. Having been closely involved in two funerals, I had one who was sensitive in a very comforting way and one who was sensitive in a creepy way. Both followed the kind of rules you mentioned, but Leonard (still remember his name and face) made it feel like strange alien mortician language.

[dr-tectonic.livejournal.com]

Having a funeral director who's a member of the same church and regards himself as at least part of the same community, if not actually a friend of the family, defintely seems to be the way to go. He focused a lot on "whatever you're comfortable with", and that was nice.

[dpolicar]

Yeah... that all sounds familiar.
Been there. It sucks.
If I can help, I'm just a phone call or an email away.

[dr-tectonic.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Dave. It does suck.