dr_tectonic: (Default)
[personal profile] dr_tectonic
Sooo... just in case anyone was still unclear on the matter after Jerry's post:

[livejournal.com profile] kung_fu_monkey and I have a boyfriend! The three of us (me, him, and [livejournal.com profile] saintpookie) are, as the kids say, "an item".

It wasn't really planned, it's one of those things that just kinda happened. Greg just sort of... fits. So we're giving a three-person relationship a try.

Hmm. I guess this means I'm polyamorous. (You may feel free to make witty comments about latent mormonism.)


Anyway, this is good. Very, very good. He has moved in with us, and we are happy, and we hope everyone else will get to know him and like him as much as we do.

...Well, okay, maybe not quite as much. Then I might have to fight you.

P.S.: yay!

Date: 2005-04-01 01:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redbeardedblond.livejournal.com
*hops about*

YAY!

So, my mormon past has rubbed off on you via the internet, eh?

mwah hah hah!!! the plan has come to fruition!

Date: 2005-04-01 02:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redbeardedblond.livejournal.com
oh... and congratulations...

you guys...! *chucks lightly under chin*

Date: 2005-04-01 02:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Same back atcha!

Your mormon past, my mormon past, 'sabu's mormon past...
How many mormon pasts have we got lying around here, anyway?

Date: 2005-04-01 02:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redbeardedblond.livejournal.com
that's three! :)

*hugs*

pssstt..... i even went on a mission!...

sshhhhh!!!!

Date: 2005-04-01 02:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Ooo!

I was never very good at mormoning. I never even got a temple recommend! *gasp* Isn't it scandalous?!

I got fed up with the church's racism/sexism/homophobia/nonsense and starting being Mormon only on alternate Sundays... then alternate Thursdays... then alternate Thursdays in months without an 'R'... then alt-Thurs-mon-w/o-R when it was also a full moon... and then I just gave up on it altogether.

Now I'm a lapsed Episcopalian, which is a much more laid-back.

Date: 2005-04-01 02:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redbeardedblond.livejournal.com
oooo... ooooooo.... can i become a bible burning atheist?! PUH LEEEEEEEZE?! *wink*

Date: 2005-04-01 02:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] earthling177.livejournal.com
Cool, good luck!

Date: 2005-04-02 12:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Thanks! =)

Date: 2005-04-01 03:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melted-snowball.livejournal.com
This is probably not the right place for this, but ... too bad...

I've always had trouble with polyamorous, the adjective. Maybe I've absorbed too much conservatism from Gore Vidal, or whatever, but it seems like it's hard to call it an identity.

[That said, I also understand that other people take identities from different places than me; *shrug*. But polyamory to me just fits into that nice big barrel labelled "queer."]

Date: 2005-04-01 03:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Oh, I hardly regard it as an identity -- just a descriptive adjective.
For identity, I generally stick with 'queer', too.
Though that's not as encompassing an identity as "geek"...

Actually, I mostly identify as "Beemer". =)

Date: 2005-04-01 04:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melted-snowball.livejournal.com
I guess I'm just remembering a "more poly than thou" friend who visited us in Ithaca several years ago; I remember after she left thinking that it was starting to feel like veganism.

I still mostly identify as a combination of my faith, my occupation and my sexual orientation, even when some of these things have changed over the years. *shrug*

Date: 2005-04-01 04:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Oh, bleah. How can you be poly and not get the "whatever works for you" deal?

Date: 2005-04-01 06:02 pm (UTC)
dpolicar: (Default)
From: [personal profile] dpolicar
I'm suddenly reminded of [personal profile] totient's mother, who famously remarked to his sister upon learning of his polyamory that she simply didn't approve of "polyamory." She added that "polyphilia" or "multiamory" would be fine, but this mixing of Greek and Latin roots just had to stop.

Date: 2005-04-01 06:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melted-snowball.livejournal.com
Well, that's not hard, right? It's the usual convert rule. "This makes me happy, so you should want it, too. Don't you want it? Why don't you want it? If I tell you about how wonderful it is nonstop for the next hour, won't you want it?"

Feh.

Date: 2005-04-02 07:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thatwesguy.livejournal.com
This is a timely concept for me; thanks. For what it's worth, I had been identifying as (militantly) polyamorous (or multiamorous or polyphilic, yes yes, Dave) for some months, having built up to it over years, and had finally started to get comfy with the notion, when I started dating someone for whom that really wasn't likely to fly. Except that this time, instead of being a real problem, it's turned out to be mostly a "problem on paper alone," since I don't find that I'm really interested in sharing romantic energy with anyone else. The big irony is that a strong contributing factor came from someone else I was dating in the beginning of this relationship, who pointed out that I don't really have the time or focus for multiple relationships in my life as it stands today.

My point is: when you least expect it, something good can smack you across the face. Congratulations, Beemer, on said smackage.

Date: 2005-04-02 08:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melted-snowball.livejournal.com
That makes a lot of sense. [In particularly, the good smacking you across the face when you least expect you; I'd probably put it as "God moves in mysterious ways..."]

I can certainly accept that someone might use the phrase "I am poly" to mean "I generally don't have monogamous relationships," or even "I never have monogamous relationships." But the latter of these seems somehow hard for me to believe in. Again, though, *shrug*. Probably some people think of their attraction to redheads as an identity. Feh.

Poly

Date: 2005-04-04 11:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baronet.livejournal.com
Certainly Poly is a label, and therefore you shouldn't make too many assumptions without more details.

While poly is a looser label than some, all labels have some squish in them, as demonstrated by the number of lesbians I know who met the guy that was the exception for them. Amy, for instance is a confirmed lesbian and tomist: she is attracted to girls and Tom. Should she describe herself as bisexual? Lesbian is 99% accurate, and she's happier if guys she meets treat her as a lesbian rather than bi, even if she's very happy with Tom.

To pick an example of poly as an identify as opposed to a descriptor of a current state: A friend of mine would feel uncomfortable promising monogamy even if he isn't currently involved with anyone else, or even looking. To do so would be a misrepresentation of himself. Kind of like someone can be gay even when they are not currently involved with anyone.

Poly as a label is useful, even if it is a subset of some other label, like non-vanilla, or a superset of another label, like "In a triad". It is good to exchange coming out stories, hear about the rules and experiences of others. It is good to hear about the legal side of poly with wills and kids and stuff. How and when do you say "wow, you're awesome, you should meet my wife"?

Oh, and BTW CONGRATULATIONS to Beemer & co.

Re: Poly

Date: 2005-04-04 12:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melted-snowball.livejournal.com
Thanks--that's a useful perspective.

[I've always tried to be supportive of other people's identities, even where I have a hard time understanding them. Maybe from the outside looking in, it feels like this is a pot of things that don't have coherence, where from the inside it might not. I'll have to think more...]

Date: 2005-04-02 12:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Thanks, and the same back at you! It's pretty good smackage.

Date: 2005-04-01 05:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] detailbear.livejournal.com
Congratulations to the three of you. May you all be as happy as clams for many years to come.

HUGS.

Date: 2005-04-02 12:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Thank you!

Date: 2005-04-01 06:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thetarnishedowl.livejournal.com
Well, they do say that three is the new two.

Date: 2005-04-02 12:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Does that mean pi is the new e? ;-)

Date: 2005-04-02 07:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thatwesguy.livejournal.com
Well, congratulations, Beemer! I'm delighted for you all!!

Date: 2005-04-02 07:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] madbodger.livejournal.com
w00t! Nah, I don't wanna fight you. Or the kung fu one (especially since he stopped smoking).

Date: 2005-04-02 12:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Well, that's good. We'd have to fly a long way to do the fighting, and it'd just be inconvenient.
Thanks!

Date: 2005-04-02 10:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tdjohnsn.livejournal.com
Congratulations!

Date: 2005-04-02 12:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Thanks much!

Same as for KFM

Date: 2005-04-03 03:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ng-nighthawk.livejournal.com
Three in the house is working for us, so good luck to you all. I hope to get to know Greg better in the future.

Woo-hoo!

Re: Same as for KFM

Date: 2005-04-03 07:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Thanks, Neal!

Aw, man!

Date: 2005-04-04 08:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psyclonic.livejournal.com
See, I had this dream in the past couple years... now I gotta toss that interpretation out... for a good reason, tho.

Your (collective) happiness is mine and others' happiness.

Cheers!

Re: Aw, man!

Date: 2005-04-07 11:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-tectonic.livejournal.com
Thanks! You'll have to explicate that dream interpretation sometime.